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Last night, my boyfriend and I are watching TV and munching on my favorite kind of popcorn–hot and fresh off the stove, liberally sprinkled with salt and cayenne pepper. We finish up the popcorn, and a few minutes later, I get up and wash my hands. After all, I remember the “milking my girlfriend’s pussy” post from a couple months ago, and I’m no idiot.
Hoping to spice things up during a Conan rerun, I pull down my bf’s pants and start rubbing his dick. No problems there. After a few minutes, I begin to suck his penis, and he seems to be enjoying himself.
Then, suddenly, “STOP OHMYGOD YOU’RE BURNING MY DICK MY PENIS IS ON FIRE!!” I’m confused. After all, I did a really good job washing my hands. How the hell did–Oh shit. There’s still cayenne pepper in my mouth. I can still feel it tingling on my tongue and everything. I am an idiot.
I grab a wet paper towel from the kitchen, which does jack shit to relieve his case of fire penis. Next, we try a paper towel dipped in milk. Same story, doesn’t help.
“Get some ice!” he shouts. I run back to the kitchen, grab the first empty container I can find, and fill it with ice. Upon my return, he shoves his (still hard! why is it still hard?!) dick in the jar and breathes a sigh of relief. We spend the next 5 minutes rubbing ice all over his penis until he jumps in the shower to rinse off the remaining cayenne pepper.
Moral of the story: BRUSH YO TEETH just do it
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